My shock at discovering I was a donor child

Things can get complicated when you find out where you really come from. Some people can accept it without any problem. For others, it is really  hard to cope with it.

Read this interesting article about some real cases.

When parents tell a child that he or she was conceived from a donated egg, or donated sperm, it can come as quite a shock.

After Elaine Chong wrote about donating her eggs to help other couples have a child, two readers got in touch to explain how the revelation that they were donor children affected them - one said it split his family, the other said it drew hers even closer together.

'My entire existence is a lie'

I found out I was donor-conceived when I was 22. The conversation was not planned. When my younger sister discovered she was pregnant she asked my parents if there were any hereditary family conditions that she needed to be mindful about. Then my parents told her that they couldn't answer her question that she had been born as a result of gamete donation.
My social father (this is what we call the parents who raise us) then told me that was also the case for me. He said they had gone to a doctor at Harley Street who had helped them conceive both myself and my sister, who is three years younger. But that was all he was willing to talk about and neither he nor my social mother wanted to discuss the subject any more.
As I was conceived in the early 80s it's impossible to find records as to who the egg and sperm donors, my biological parents, are. It was rare for that information to be kept on file then.
I'd often wondered why I looked so different to the people that raised me. I'm tall, hairy, with dark eyes and features. My parents are shorter, pale with light eyes. I started wondering if maybe I could be of a different ethnicity. Suddenly my whole existence felt like a lie.
My relationship with my social parents deteriorated and I spent years moving around, doing a number of odd jobs. I also battled with gambling issues. I felt like a gypsy. I should add that my sister had a different reaction to me. She maintains a good relationship with our social parents, whereas mine has almost entirely broken down.
Even though I am now married, with a young child of my own, I am still against gamete donation. We shouldn't be playing around with science like this. If I had been adopted, it would be easier to trace the story of how I came to be and easier to find roots. As it stands it's unlikely that my egg or sperm donor parents knew each other, and I don't know the motivations of why they chose to donate.
I feel that donor conception is a trade in human beings and very few people consider the effects it has on a child.
John, 35, UK

'I also want to be an egg donor'

My sister and I have always been almost opposites - which was the main reason why I could tell something was different between us. She was slim, smart, and a rule-abider. I was more of a wild child with an athletic build. Throughout our childhood, it was always a joking topic, but it was never addressed until I was 11.
My dad and I were in the car and I had brought up again how my sister and I were so different. He said: "Yeah, we can talk about it when we get home." I was like, what? After all this time, now there's an explanation! In a way it was satisfying to know that my premonitions were correct.
At home, it was a full family conversation. My mom cried when she confirmed my suspicions that my sister and I weren't fully related.
She'd had a problem with her IUD implant in the 70s that affected her uterus and the transport of her own eggs. She had never told anyone in her family except for her mother because of the stigma against not being able to get pregnant.
My parents told me that my sister was an in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) baby, with my mom's egg and my dad's sperm, and that I was conceived from an egg donor with my dad's sperm.
It was very emotional. I can vividly remember that.
It's such a fragile state to be in, to have your own kid question where they're from. It was one of those things where my mom thought if I knew that I wasn't necessarily related to her, I would push her away - that's what she conveyed to me.
After, I remember sitting in my room and I felt like I had known it was true the whole time. I had grown up with these differences and my parents never loved me any less. I've never felt betrayed - I've just felt grateful for the chance to be given life.
My mom and I have gotten closer because of it. I think it is the bravest thing she has ever done. I began to see how it had shaped her as a mother too - every night she would tell my sister and me: "We did everything to have you, we're so grateful for you in our lives." Now I understand that they really did do everything.
As I got older, I became more intrigued by IVF. I thought it was very interesting to see how my parents had taken this very new technology and applied it to their lives.
I want to be an egg donor once I finish college because it would make me feel so proud.
I want to represent a successful story of in-vitro. My mom is very supportive of me becoming an egg donor. I think it would make her feel like she has continued the process of family completion in a way.
Donor conception is still seen as a very secretive process, but I think if it were to have more light brought to it, things might change. If I could help at all to de-stigmatise the idea, I would feel very proud.
Elizabeth, 21, US

When to tell the children

If children have been conceived from a donated egg or sperm it's good to tell them early, says Nina Barnsley, director of the Donor Conception Network. Ideally at the age of five, and no later than 10.
This allows them to get used to the idea as they grow, and averts the possibly traumatic experience of a sudden revelation later on. "It ends up being just an exciting story of how they came into the world," she says. "Parents should see it as an open door to continuing the conversation as the child wishes and ages."
If parents wait until their child is an adult, they may be asked why they hid the truth for so long. But late is better than never, Barnsley says, and better than a deathbed confession. "We've had children in their 30s with parents in their 70s when they have the conversation. It can go very well."

                                                                                                                  BBC stories

Key to the grammar exercises

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The Beginner's Guide to Mindful Eating

With endless white elephant parties, holiday cookies, and champagne toasts on the horizon, indulgence is simply an inevitability this time of year—and we wouldn't have it any other way. That said, even though we're willing to feel stuffed in the name of mom's stuffing, the resulting food coma doesn't have to be a total guarantee.

Practicing mindful eating is a really easy way to actually savor the season's treats more while feeling less like you overdid it—because by truly learning to relish every single bite, you're able to better observe how satisfied you actually are. Most importantly, it has nothing to do with dieting or restriction. To the contrary, mindful eating is about maximizing enjoyment.

And there's no time like the present to give it a go. "You can practice mindful eating at a dinner party, out to dinner, on a date, with family, or with friends," says meditation expert Amanda Gilbert. "As long as you are being aware while you are eating, then you are practicing mindful eating. And you can be aware and mindful even when eating with others."

Curious how to get started? Try Gilbert's mindful eating technique for beginners below.

The 3-part technique

Step 1: Mindful eating begins before you even put the food in your mouth. Start by observing the color, texture, and smell of the food on your plate. Then, "bring awareness to the utensil and the bite of food you are bringing up to your mouth to eat," says Gilbert.

Step 2: "Mindfully chew and savor the bite of food itself," says Gilbert. "Notice the aromas, textures, and pleasure of eating this one bite of food."

Step 3: Maintain that awareness as you swallow and put your utensil down. Then, repeat this technique again with the next bite of food.

"When you bring your mindful awareness to what you are about to eat, how you eat, and to how hungry or full you become, this greatly increases the possibility of making healthier eating choices," says Gilbert. "It also allows us to slow down and savor our food more so we do not end up overeating regularly." In other words, it's an easy way to ensure that you truly enjoy every bite this holiday season—"healthy" or not—and evade the token food coma afterward.

                                                                                 Nov 16, 2017 by Victoria Hoff

William Butler Yeats

Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet;
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Safety fears as junior doctors left to run A&Es and other hospital units

General Medical Council says health of patients at risk with trainee medics forced to ‘act beyond clinical competence’

The safety of hospital patients is being put at risk because inexperienced young doctors are too often being left in charge of A&E and other units, Britain’s medical regulator has warned.

Understaffing and pressures on senior doctors mean trainee medics are being forced to “fend for themselves” by looking after patients whose conditions they are not qualified to treat, said the General Medical Council, which has shared the findings of an in-depth study with the Guardian.

“We are very worried when trainees tell us that they have been put in a position where they have been asked to act above and beyond their clinical competence and capabilities. That’s a concern because it creates very clear risks to patients from doctors who may not know what they’re doing,” said the GMC’s chief executive, Charlie Massey.

“In some cases trainees are being left to fend for themselves when they clearly don’t have the competence to make the decisions about patients’ treatment that are being asked of them. That’s a real concern. Significant proportion of trainees, especially those early in their careers, feel very exposed in terms of what they are being asked to do,” added Massey.

“Trainees left in this situation feel agitated and anxious that they don’t have enough supervision and worried that they might inadvertently cause harm to patients,” he added.

The boss of the regulator warned that junior doctors who act beyond their competence “are at risk of losing their licence” if the care they give a patient proves to be substandard and damages the patient’s health.

In its annual survey of the education and training received by Britain’s 55,000 junior doctors, the GMC heard about incidents that caused it concern about them being left in charge, despite their inexperience.

• In one hospital a group of young foundation-year doctors not long out of medical school began an overnight rotation in the A&E unit despite having had no induction or assessment of their skills. “There was a very real risk that they could be working beyond their competence because they were on a night shift with limited supervision, therefore they might have had to undertake tasks for which they weren’t qualified,” said Massey.

• In another emergency department a foundation-year doctor on duty in the resuscitation unit called three times for support from senior colleagues but no one came to help her. “She had no choice but to make decisions about that patient herself, even though she wasn’t confident that she was competent to do so.”

• Senior medics in a third A&E unit reported that junior doctors were displaying symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as continually interrupted sleep and uncertain decision-making. “That worried them and that worried us.”

Dr Sarah Hallett, the deputy chair of the British Medical Association’s junior doctors committee, said: “It is an all too common problem that many junior doctors move into new posts without a thorough induction.

“This is not the fault of senior doctors, who we know are under immense pressures and face ever-increasing workloads in a health service that is more and more overstretched. Despite this, it is crucial that junior doctors have access to appropriate training, and are able to work in an environment that is safe for both them and their patients.”

A year on from the junior doctors dispute in England that prompted eight walkouts by trainees, the number rating their training as good or very good remains high at 76%. However, “a worrying number of doctors in training continue to raise concerns about heavy workloads and shortness of sleep while on duty, with some missing educational opportunities because of these pressures”, the GMC’s report says.

• About 40% of trainees across all four home countries said their workloads were heavy or very heavy, although that is slightly fewer than last year.
• 54% work beyond their rostered hours, either daily or weekly.
• 22% regularly feel short of sleep while they are on duty.
•                                                                            The Guardian 27 Nov 2017

Future tenses

Better late than never!
Click here to see the summary of the different ways to express the future in Englisg:

Future_tenses