Aphorisms

Just in case you have some time to read something funny and "deep" at the same time.

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .

that it always starts tomorrow.

 

2. Money will buy a fine dog . . .

but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

 

3. If you don't have a sense of humor . . .

you probably don't have any sense at all.

 

4. Seat belts are not as confining . . .

as wheelchairs.

 

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .

when you're in deep water.

 

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of

the dark . .

to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

 

7. Business conventions are important . . .

because they demonstrate how many people a company can

operate without.

 

8. Why is it that at class reunions . . .

you feel younger than everyone else looks?

 

9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . .

and you will have a permanent job.

 

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy

  (or girl) . . .

who wants to buy a car.

 

11. There are no new sins . . .

the old ones just get more publicity.

 

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong

number at 4 a.m. . .

like, it could be the right number.

 

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . .

when their team is winning.

 

14. I've reached the age where . . .

'happy hour' is a nap.

 

15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . .

there's no way you're going to like it.

 

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .

not everybody has the same size bucket.

 

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .

we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

 

18. Money can't buy happiness . . .

but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than

in a Yugo.

 

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .

you're probably dead.

 

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't

mind . . .

and the ones that mind don't matter.

 

21. Life isn't tied with a bow . . .

but it's still a gift